The Single Most Important Thing to do Before Moving Anywhere as an Accompanying Spouse
The lists are looooooong — so many categories, so many logistics — shipping containers, new clothes for new climates, school schedules, work permits and what about the dog?! There is one thing above all else which is crucial to your success as an accompanying spouse and you must think about this before moving.
How will you HOLD ON TO YOURSELF? Having a grip on who you are and what you need and what your strengths and irritations are – in a loving way – will help you adjust and eventually stick your landing and feel grounded.
You will have many roles, you will get disoriented, and you need to hold on to the core of you to navigate back to yourself, again and again.
It may seem trite — or lofty — to thine own self be true yada yada — but having a plan to hold on to yourself is key to experiencing this relocation intentionally, and in a way that will expand you positively.
Know your tendencies in advance of the move – and write them down – so you can remind yourself what you know about yourself: what motivates you, how do you show up under stress, what irritates the crap out of you, where is the little fissure that can split open when you neglect it. What are you truly dreading, where do you feel a tingle of excitement? How many hours of sleep do you need?
If you have a profile system, tool or management style you rely on, write that down too – whether it is Myers Briggs or the Enneagram or the colour method or horoscopes – write down the highlights.
It can serve as an operating manual or a headline view to remind yourself of best case environment (thrive on routine; despise details; need time to consider options, prefer to make a yes no decision immediately) when you start to feel out of your element and need to remind yourself of what you want and need to feel steady and grounded.
If you get stuck doing this what-do-I-need exercise— if you already feel overwhelmed by all the advice and all the reactions of friends and family to your move — here’s a suggestion.
You know the often seen writing prompt designed to reassure us how well we are doing — write a letter to your younger self? Don’t do that. Reverse it and instead tap into the oomph of the girl within.
Ask your younger self — the one who was 11 and doing whatever she wanted, before boobs and periods and expectations and angst and the heavy weight of the social world kicked in. What would she tell you? How would she want to take advantage of this experience and make it into what she wanted, and maybe even needed.
Listen to her!